Fear of Change

Change isn’t something that I’ve been known to take easily. I used to freak out at minor changes and get anxiety about new things in my life. I guess I got better with that as I grew up, but sometimes I still fear change. Sometimes it’s really hard to explain why change scares me. Why does change affect some people so much?

I remember reacting terribly to two changes in my life. Both are things that the vast majority of kids go through and I probably shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. The first one happened when I was changing schools from elementary school to junior high school. Of course going into a new school most people are nervous, but they have some excitement too. I was not excited at all. I over-analyzed everything when I thought about going to junior high and I tried my best at throwing temper tantrums so my parents wouldn’t make me go, obviously to no avail. Being in the same school for my whole childhood then going to a bigger school with more people, harder classes and more homework just really intimidated me. I was worried about making new friends and keeping my old ones. I was a mess.

When I got there I soon found out that I had nothing to be afraid of. Yes the school was bigger, there were more people and there was more homework but it wasn’t as bad as I had thought it would be. This change definitely set me up for a new change that would happen two years later: high school. I was nervous going into high school, but I wasn’t scared this time. Junior High was good for me and was the first thing that began to show me that I shouldn’t be scared of changes.

The other change came late in high school. A lot of people growing up change houses and it is definitely a big change for everyone. I hoped that I would never go through that and for a while I didn’t think I would. Eventually my dad sold the house and we had to move out, and I didn’t take it well. I lived in that house for 17 years of my life and it was just surreal to me to think that it wasn’t my house anymore. This probably shouldn’t have been a big deal to me, but for some time I felt like I didn’t have a place that was mine. Obviously that wasn’t true at all; I had more than one place for me. I had my mom’s house, my dad’s new house and I distinctly remember my girlfriend telling me that I always had a place with her. She even went as far to let me have a wall in her room that I could put stuff on. That meant more to me than I had the words to explain.

Personally, I think that I just get too used to my life as it is that I fight change. I’ve had numerous occasions where I rejected change because I was afraid to try something new. I feel like that is one of my biggest flaws. It makes me mad to think about how much I probably missed out on in high school because I wasn’t open to trying something new. That is without a doubt something that I am trying to work on before it’s too late.

Sometimes I get really attached to people too, and when my relationship with them changes even a little bit it’s hard for me. I get used to how our relationship is and as soon as it changes I don’t know what to do. I’ve been working on telling myself that changes aren’t always for good. Relationships change all the time, but most end up going back to the way you are. And even if they don’t, you’ll get over it in time. You don’t need other people there for you to be you. I really have nothing to fear when it comes to that.

My fear of change has begun to get better, but I still need to work on it. I know that change is good in some cases, and that I should be open to change because I could be missing out on something amazing. I’m assuming that I’m not the only one that is afraid of trying something new. For those of you who have the same fear, don’t be scared. Trying something new, maybe even out of your comfort zone, could teach you so much about yourself. Get out there and embrace change because change teaches you lessons and it shapes you into a more well-rounded person.

-Eric Proulx